Platform

Accessibility

Accessibility is very important to me because it is important that everyone is able to access all the things they deserve to access and for accessing those things to be as accessible as possible.

For instance, did you know that the Nest has Sensory Rooms for accessibility? Most people don't because they aren't accessible. To increase their accessibility and make them more popular, I'm going to hold constant 24/7 parties in the sensory room. I'll blast music as loud as it goes, put a bunch of flash lights in there, and put a couple jars of rotting food in to amp up the olfactory experience. This will make the sensory rooms way more accessible because people will know about them, and thus be able to interact with them when they need to accessibly.

Accountability

It is of critical importance that us elected officials are as accountable as possible because we are accountable to the students who voted us into office to represent them in an accountable way. Also we should get rid of the Ubussy because sometimes they write articles that hold us accountable.

Additionally, I will ensure that my partners infiltrate every part of AMS Council. Because if everyone is in conflict of interest when I or someone I don't like is being removed from office, no one is in conflict of interest!

Affordability

Things should be affordable because when things aren't affordable students can't afford them making them not very affordable. Unlike the rest of the candidates, I'm going to tell UBC that things are unaffordable and that students can't afford things, which will make things more affordable once the university realizes things aren't affordable.

Something I have noticed is that the price of gas has increased so so much already. And it's only getting more expensive! To reduce the effect these rising gas prices have on some students (namely me), I'm going to use the AMS's funds to purchase a Tesla! For myself. And just so everyone knows it's mine, I'm gonna get a custom license plate that says "Barry" on it! Not only do I have a really cool car that everyone will think is cool and that also has my name as a vanity license plate, but I will also be able to support the world's richest man who benefitted from an apartheid state, does Nazi salutes, says Nazi shit, does Nazi shit, and is unconstitutionally dismantling the democratic institutions of our southern neighbour. Which is a thing I, Barry "Bee" Buzzword, definitely support. See also, Authoritarianism.

Transparency

As elected officials, it's important to be maximally transparent when managing our 30 million dollar non profit (that's the AMS). To achieve these goals of transparency, I'm going to make sure that the council room has numerous (more than 2) transparent windows, which will increase transparency by a lot by making council more transparent. Since many may oppose this radical transparency, I will transparently say now that we may (transparently) spend all of our council meetings in camera. These private sessions will greatly increase transparency. In a way I will transparently tell you once I figure it out.

Consultation

I will consult students more than any other presidential candidate because of my commitment to consultation. No decision will go unconsulted. Working groups! Focus groups! Surveys! Poster boards in the Nest! I will consult you about everything from which student population to deny healthcare coverage to to what fruits I should put on top of my creme brulee. In fact, I should start consulting people about how they want to be consulted when I need consultation.

In fact in fact, you should sign up for my VERY REAL MAILING LIST! I'll send you moderately interesting emails every night at 10:03pm in AMS presidential tradition! They probably won't be about the AMS or this election at all, just whatever I think would be funny :D

Efficiency

It is well known that the AMS is a mire of political red tape, preventing clubs from getting access to funds and rooms as well as actual change taking place within the union itself. Furthermore, the executives are paid an eyewatering $44,000 (as long as you don't think about the hours).

In the new AMS, we are going to go hardcore mode. If you're not willing to work 60 hours, 80 hours, or even 100 hours a week, you should get out! Don't worry, you'll still be paid only for the 37.5 hours of your salary. This is a job serving students, and not only should it be your full time job, it should also be like a full time volunteer position, and a full time hobby/hyperfixation/special interest. In the name of efficiency, you should be so hardcore as to sleep in the office, skip meals, and even give up bathroom breaks (just piss yourself lmao). This is the efficient AMS Barry "Bee" Buzzword will deliver to you.

Diversity

Diversity is our strength. A toxic workplace thrives with victims of diverse backgrounds and viewpoints, as long as those in power agree with me. To support this diversity initiative, I will personally work with the Engineering Cairn to develop a pen launching system to automatically throw pens at those in the AMS office who have a different background or point of view than I do.

Divestment

You say "divestment", I say "I'm in! What from?". Fossil fuels? They can burn in hell. Weapons manufacturers? I barely know 'ers. States who have engaged in warfare tactics that a UN Special Committe has found is consistent with genocide? That seems... ummm bad and not something we should financially support.

Authoritarianism

No vice president, council, committee, employee, government agency, constituent, or Govenor of Canada should disobey their elected president. Did you know that nearly 50% of AMS executives left office partway through their term? This is simply unacceptable, creating a discontinuity in the support for students in the middle of the year! This is why in the first week of my presidency, I will identify Vice Presidents who don't agree with me and throw pens at them until they take an indefinite leave of absence (NOT A RESIGNATION). This is very important because if they resign we have to hold a by-election to replace them with someone the students vote in 🤮🤮🤮. If instead they take an "indefinite leave of absence", I can appoint whoever I want! No student voting required! 🤩🤩🤩 I'll make sure to only appoint my romantic partners, my best friends, and the partners of my best friends. That's the cool and not corrupt thing to do :D

Engagement

Engagement of students with the AMS is great. As long as that engagement isn't from too many students, students who happen to work with us, or students who happen to be The News. But other than that engagement is great! Students should be engaged in what's happening with the AMS and we should facilitate that engagement! That's why to get students more engaged, I'm going to hire security guards for AMS council, so students know what will happen if they are Too Engaged. Maybe I'll throw in some robot dogs with AI guns, too! Just the mildest threat of violence really helps students to engage in good faith! I'll also engage student workers in threats of termination if they engage too much in criticizing the AMS because that type of engagement isn't allowed.

Also I'll get a ferris wheel and/or a mechanical bull out to any protests and encampments on campus. Critique UBC's ongoing complicity with global humanitarian crises with a great view of the ocean and Pacific Spirit!

Surveys

Survey survey survey, who doesn't love a survey! When I'm president, you'll get a survey every day, so we can ensure we are doing what you want us to! We'll respond just as well to these surveys as UBC does to the tuition increase surveys! Also, if you've made it this far, you really should join my VERY REAL MAILING LIST! I'll put lots of funny stuff there probably, and you'll only get emails at 10:03 pm!

Ethics

Once elected president, Barry "Bee" Buzzword will act with extreme ethical integrity, upholding the ongoing pristine ethical framework of the AMS. Barry "Bee" Buzzword believes that one of the strongest ethical edicts is "do as I say, not as I do". For instance, the AMS urged UBC to divest from companies complicit in Palestinian human rights violations, yet the AMS itself has not yet done such a manner of divestment--and even went so far as to amend our investments policy to remove a fossil fuel free requirement. It is this level of ethical operation that Barry "Bee" Buzzword promises to bring to this position.

Equity

Equality is out and equity is in. In order to maximize the equity of the AMS so that we can equitably be equitable to students, I am going to sell parts of the AMS to a private equity firm! What better way to increase equity than being beholden to the whims of your shareholders. Sauder kids rise up!

Decolonialization

ROBERTS ARENT ALLOWED. No one named or associated with "Robert" is allowed on AMS ground because that's colonial. I don't care if you go by "Rob" or "Bob" or "Bobert" or "Robby" or "Bobby" or anything in between. Not allowed. I will personally file a BU1 against you. Robert's Rules of Order? The organizational system that AMS Council uses to structure their meetings? BANNED. This is decolonial for reasons^{[CITATION NEEDED]}.

Additionally, I'm going to add 20 seats to council just for the Indigenous Students Society, which will be a roughly 60% increase in the size of AMS Council. Don't worry, I didn't consult with the Indigenous Students Society about this one. But that just makes it extra decolonial. And it makes me way more based and woke!

Inclusion

I'd like to include everyone, including people with weird names like "Robert". Inclusion is just great because including people means you can include people which increases inclusion in an inclusive way. Additionally, you know who should be included in the AMS? The Ubyssey. Just because I'm very inclusive. Sometimes they say not nice things about us because they are the "free press" and "independent journalism". That's not very inclusive of them :(. But! If they were included in the AMS (like they were before 1995), then they couldn't say mean things about us, which would be very inclusive.

Advocacy

I would do everything in my power to advocate for students. Students just don't have time to advocate to everyone that needs advocating to. UBC? Is anyone going to the Ainsley Carry listening sessions? Well if I'm elected, I will _{send someone else to do it because that sounds boring as shit} The provincial government? Move over whoever gets elected VP External (it's a real toss up right now), I'm taking over your portfolio and am going to advocate so hard. Call me the Advocatron cause I'm gonna advocate so hard, you won't even know what words mean by the time I'm done advocating.

Sustainability

I actually have a pretty comprehensive plan for sustainability within the AMS and at UBC in general. The main problem with sustainability efforts on campus is... not enough of them are associated with David Suzuki. My plan is to change literally nothing except for giving things names associated with David Suzuki. Pit Night. How about ✨David Suzuki Pit Night for Sustainability✨??? That shit is way better. We'll do the same thing across campus. To reduce our water usage, the toilets in our student union building will no longer flush. It will be a "David Suzuki Toilet Flush for Sustainability". Nothing else will change, but by name alone we will be more sustainable!

Collaboration

The AMS President is not a job one does on their own. They work with their VPs (after the elected ones have been replaced with their friends). They work with the University. They work with people on the Executive Performance and Accountability committee (especially when in a relationship with people on that committee). All of this requires excessive collaboration. As a bee, Barry "Bee" Buzzword is used to working together with the whole hive for one goal. In fact, I'm going to collaborate so hard, that it'll almost be like my collaborators are doing everything and I'm just buzzing here looking pretty.